Previously on True Blood:
Werewolves, biker bars and bad wigs…Nursing Home, Gay Kisses, Crazy Moms, & bat shit crazy Franklin…
White Trash, Crystal (Meth) and Arlene’s Demon Spawn …Dog Fights, Old underpants, Vampire Bride Tara, Murder & Fairy Blood that gets Vamps jacked….Witches, Viking Kings, Homicidal, Crazy, Dandy Vampire Russell Edgington, and fratricide (or so we thought) …Concrete graves, meaningful haircuts and we’re not done yet…Crouching Tiger Hidden Vampires Fighting and a journey into the Fairy light
True Blood had more happen in their 2 minutes of previouslies than most shows have going on in a season. I don’t know about you, but the sheer amount of crazy shit that goes down in Bon Temps in a span of a couple weeks is why I love this show so dearly.
Before the Opening Credits we’re treated to part of the first 8 minutes that have been kicking around the internet for weeks now. In case you have iron will and haven’t watched it yet, Sookie has been transported to fairyland that like, exists under the cemetery. A magical Grecian inspired place where beautiful people mingle and wear a lot of white.
Sookie is introduced to the world by her Fairy Godmother who promises that it’s not all fun and games. Something we’re going to figure out really fast, but because it’s Sookie if trouble wasn’t already there she was going to find it anyway.
Sookie starts bitching already to her newfound protector, flat out telling her that she sucks, and that she coulda used her help plenty of times before, to which her Godmother smartly replies “Well you’re still alive aren’t you. You aren’t exactly Miss Troublefree you know.”
Before she can get far, Sookie then bumps into Barry the Bellboy who awesomely introduces his male guide Boyd as his Fairy Godmother. Might be the jetlag but it also may be because Boyd has appeared to have adorned himself with a chandelier.
I’m not sure if it’s just me but the strange shots of everyone immensely enjoying their light-fruit just a little too much takes me back to the orgy days of Mary-Anne, another one with a fondness for fruit. But that’s sort of beside the point as Sookie notices one of the partiers downing the lumiers is her dear departed Granddaddy. …who has no idea who she is until he sort of figures it out but seems to have lost 20 years; he thinks he’s been gone only hours.
[Credits] – This sequence never gets old
Turns out the Fairy Queen Mab is really pissed at Sookie since she’s been getting mixed up with Vampires and allowing them to taste their blood thereby breaching their world. Vampires get all addicted to Fairy Blood (much like humans on V) and led them near extinction once before.
When Sookie rejects the magic fruit and throws it at Queen Mab, the Grecian cocktail party evaporates and we’re left in a barren landscape. The Fairies turn to creepy looking gremlins and are on the attack. Sookie and Granddaddy make like The Doctor and RUN!
Fairy Hill People to the Rescue! This includes Claudine’s brother, and because not enough men have randomly fallen in love with and sacrificed themselves for Sookie up until this point, well there he goes.
Sookie who was awesome enough to not eat the light-fruit has the power to travel back to the human world and like… save all of fairy kind or something.
As if the last few seasons weren’t weird enough now we’ve got portals and gremlin-fairies.
That’s where the sneak peak ended and now the show really begins (I guess). A flash of light and silly effects and Sookie and Granddaddy are plopped right back in the cemetery they came from.
A split second shot of Bill, then Eric, both opening their eyes somewhere underground and I’m assuming in separate locations. Finally, a character I care about (Eric in case you weren’t sure) and we’re only 11.5 minutes into the episode’s running time.
Then we’re back to sobbing Sookie and her Grandaddy saying a strange goodbye/hello to his wife (Adele) in the conveniently located cemetery. What’s that Granddaddy’s reaching into his pants and Sookie’s crying… thank goodness it’s just a pocket watch for Jason (I wonder if he’ll know how to use it) then poof, he’s dust.
As it turns out time in Fairy World moves much slower, the ten minutes Sookie was gone was really a year to everyone else. This is a nice change of pace from the jam packed couple months the first three seasons were crammed into.
This season premiere has something that no other True Blood episode has had before, breathing room. We’ve never really needed an episode like this before on account of one thing just happening so quickly after another, and most things overlapping on each other that most characters had little idea of what was going on with the other.
An entire year has passed for these characters since we saw them last, and this hour does a fantastic job of reintroducing where everyone is at now, and actually takes time to set up for the rest of the season.
Sookie wanders into her house and is quickly asked to leave since it’s no longer hers. They threaten to call the police and she dares them. Out of the cop car comes Jason Stackhouse in full uniform (and looking damn good).
Jason had recently sold the house to an unknown buying who was offering over asking. Given she’d been gone for over a year and was presumed dead, he took the offer. Sookie, the self-centered bitch that she is seems to ignore how shaken Jason is and starts ripping into him for having given up on her. Please Sookie, it’s not always all about you.
Just as dusk settles in we get not one, but two vampires suitors arriving at the door. Bill gets there first and Sookies the hell out of her, apologizing for the almost killing her and betraying her and all that. He had given up on her too.
Finally Eric cuts in; he never gave up on her. At least we know that these two men are only insanely enamored with her because of her tasty-fairyblood, it makes the whole thing make much more sense.
Strangely, Eric defers to Bill when he tells him to leave. Something is afoot.
Enter Andy Bellefleur, the bumbling sheriff who is finally out of that damn cast. He’s so damn pissed off at her for wasting police resources since she swears she wasn’t kidnapped and is back safe and sound. But mostly, he’s mad because it was her open case that lost him the Louisiana’s Safe Streets plaque. Also it might have something to do with the fact that he’s now a V addict. He storms off screaming “You owe me a plaque.” Awesome.
One of the best things about a year having passed, DEVIL SPAWN! How could we forget that Arlene’s baby has been born, she’s sure that he’s imbued with the evil spirit of his serial killer daddy- Rene. Judging from all the headless dolls surrounding the kid, I’m guessing that she’s right.
Nan Flanagan is quickly becoming my favourite True Blood character. She’s smart, has it together and is so damn funny. She’s dealing with the fallout of Russel Edgington de-spine-ing a newscaster on live TV, trying to convince the world that not all Vampires are the same, and most are of no threat to humans. They’re all different, just like humans. I like having the Vampires as code for gay/race/whatever as a fight for equality on the show, it’s not ever too heavy handed and sometimes plays in really fun ways (remember the Newlans).
Anyway, back to Nan, she’s launching her campaign and is trying to get video of local vampire owned businesses convincing the masses that they are safe for human families. To be honest, Fangstasia seems like a strange place to be filming a family friendly PSA, but it means Pam and Eric are involved so I’m in.
Pam is being her amazing self as she doesn’t sound convinced, or impressed with the lines that she is regurgitating promising family fun at Fangtasia. Eric, only reluctant for the briefest moment, takes her spot. It’s clear from the get go that he’s got an angle on this. He’s gunning for something but we’re not sure exactly what. He’s so damn good at this.
In the coolest sequence of the show we’re treated to what is essentially a campaign montage of opposing camps. While Eric is busy charming the pants off America delivering his Public Service Announcement and unveiling Fangtasia’s new tagline “Where the blood is warm and so is the service”, Bill is going around Louisiana being a model citizen and community leader cutting ribbons and shaking hands. They are both doing very well, but we still don’t know what they’re running for.
This show has too many characters to slow down even for a second. Lafayette and Jesus are still together, and Jesus has been trying to get Lafayette to embrace his witchy self and bring the power. They end up at a not-a-coven where an eerie-witchy woman who channels Eddie and scares the shit out of Lafayette. Later they discover the strength of his power when a creepy ass spell actually brings a bird back to life, momentarily. So that’s his deal.
As for Tara… my dearest True Blood PTB, you should know better. Making a character gay, or a cage fighter, or both still doesn’t make a completely boring character interesting. You have to bother to you know… make her interesting. Can those please be her last scenes in the show?
Now Andy I’m getting into. He’s been playing the fool for so long, and still is for many purposes, but now as Sheriff he’s going down with the whole crazy-ass ship with his v-addiction. That lingering look at the V in his desk drawer in last season’s finale is proving to be paying off in what could be a really interesting storyline for him.
When Andy burst into the kitchen hitting up Lafyette for “bait” I squirmed. Lafayette is a strong guy, but even so, I’m very protective of that bad ass mofo since he was kidnapped and left in the basement of Fangtasia a while back.
Jason has awesomely grown into his role as a cop. Last season when he set out on this good guy-hero mission it seemed like a dream that would be impossible for him to achieve. He had the right intentions and good will, but just missing the drive to really be good. The space between last season and the great work by Chris Bauer playing Andy as the fiending addict Sheriff, paired with that he had no one left to take care of him, and had taken on the responsibilities of the meth-town orphans, created Jason the cop. He became the responsible one out of necessity. It was brilliant. Jason needed to develop and this was a great way to do it. And the uniform really suits Ryan Kwantan, although if this means he’ll be wearing a shirt more often I don’t know if I’ll stand by this in the recaps to come.
Which brings us to the first WTF Cliff-Hanger of the Week: Jason has been keeping his promise and bringing food to the meth-town orphans but it turns out that isn’t enough. The older children lure him with ice cream to the “ice box”, smack him over the head with a shovel and lock him in!
Next WTF Cliffhanger: Bill is living in a mansion with security and seems to have eyes in the coven where Lafayette just raised the dead.
BEST WTF Cliffhanger of the Week is brought to us by Viking King Eric:
Sexy Eric invades Sookie’s room. He has awesome timing because he arrived at the exact second she was removing her robe which he catches in mid-air just offscreen enough to make me think that it might be her fairy powers that was holding the robe up, but Eric is much, much better. Turns out he was the mysterious new owner of the house. Just like he promised, he never gave up on her, he knew she was alive. He bought her house full of memories (of gruesome murders and pecan pie) so that he will now own her.
Eric delivers only the second Sooookie of the episode. He declares “You are Mine” before baring his sexy, sexy fangs.
And that’s where we’re left for the week.
Just a couple more points of Awesome & WTF to wrap up:
BEST Vampire Mentor Moment of Ever Comes from Pam, the amazing lady who pretends not to care:
Pam, once again imparting her best Vamp wisdom in the bathroom to Jessica who is struggling in her relationship with Hoyt. No one taught her to be who she was. As a human she was kept on a tight leash by her abusive parents. As a new born vamp Bill only taught her to be ashamed of her nature as a Vampire. Jessica is looking to rebel but doesn’t know it yet. Pam sees Jessica eye-fucking basically everyone in Fangtasia and gives the girl a few choice words to live by. Be herself, let herself free. Girl power, vamp power, all that. I love it, lots of potential to be an amazing story this season. Everyone needs more Pam in their life.
Other Random WTF moments pretty much coming from the Merlottes:
Sam’s brother, Tommy Merlotte is alive and in a leg brace. That’s not the weird. The weird is his clean cut new look that comes with being Maxine Fortenberry’s replacement son.
Sam has an “anger management” group where the participants have fancy dinner parties then take of all their clothes and gallivant around the countryside as horses.
I think it’s fair to say that I’m so incredibly over the Merlottes, sad to say it because I’ve wanted to love Sam, but things just don’t seem to be going his way story-wise.
Just wondering, where were the werewolves, though I mostly just miss Alcide and his abs.
Come back next week for my recap of “You Smell Like Dinner”. I’ll try not to ramble on quite as long but I’ll be sure to wrap up all the juicy details!
I’ve leave you with this: Nick Cave & Neko Case’s version of “She’s Not There”